Human Development | Lifespan | Change

A big highlight in my day was catching up with a lovely friend at one of my favourite spots.  In fact, I met my friend a bit over two years ago at this same establishment.  Since that time, I have made big changes in my life which we often discussed in those black salon chairs.  Today, I had the privilege of hearing all about some exciting changes on the horizon for my friend.  I left feeling inspired by her courage, hopeful for the new things in her future, and reflective about what I’ve learned on my (slightly longer) journey from one life season to another.

I have been the grateful recipient of many pearls of wisdom from family, friends, colleagues, and mentors through the years.  In an effort to sit awhile with my memories of those special people (many gone), I will share their insights here.  To my dear young friend if you are reading this – thank you for the lovely conversations, and I pass these pearls now to you.

On Change and Making Change

I can hardly begin to untangle history to credit this next often quoted idea, but it is truth: change is the one constant in our lives.  It is not only constant in the world and events around us, but also constant in our inner worlds.  Nature changes, societies change, our physical bodies age and change, and even the stars above our heads change!  Development is part of the design.  Because our social norms prize consistency, longevity, and stability, making change requires a great deal of courage to break the line and chart your own course.  But do it.  Do it with support, input, wisdom, and love from your tribe – but do it and make it your own.

On Charting a New Course

A very dear mentor once told me to find my compass, meaning values.  Values are much broader than issues of morality; they are how we want to live in the world, where we spend our critical resources as a finite human being – our time, money, energy, integrity, and purpose.  This mentor called navigating by values “true North”.  Identify your values, write them down, and work towards making your real, lived life align with what you value.  Can you feel it in your gut?  Do you have the reserve capacity and clarity of thought that comes from peace in yourself?  Or, do you have that constant, grating exhaustion from being out of synch with what is most important to you and what you’re built to do on the planet?  Find your compass and follow it.

Build the Right House (or business, or relationship… it applies to many things!)

We are constantly – at the same time – building two houses.  There are aspects of our physical, tangible lives which we build up, grow, and develop throughout our time – property, businesses, legacies, records of achievement.  There are also intangible aspects of ourselves which we build up, strengthen, and develop as we go through life with precious others.  The physical house shelters us from the elements, provides a material barrier from the outside world for rest and peace, and builds equity so we can provide for physical needs in future.  The intangible house – the love, attachment, investment, community, generosity, forgiveness, belief in possibility – this shelters us from the cruelty of the world, provides emotional rest and refill from the demands and expectations around us, and builds the resilience and reserve capacity to sustain our spirit when the really awful times come.  If our values are our compass, and we’re heading true North, hopefully the one builds up the other in synch.  If not, reassess and make whatever changes are necessary to build / repair the right house first.  (My young friend is ahead of her years in wisdom on this one.)

When You Have No Idea What To Do Next

Values defined or not, some nights are absolutely black with no stars, moon, or markers for guidance.  Finding the right, next way is very hard.  A different mentor once told me the following: when you feel really confused and don’t know what to do next, go back to the last thing you know was right and good for you.  Stay in that place and do that thing until you can see / think clearly again.

Mind How You Go

Another mentor observed the following about how you exit one season and enter another: however you leave your last situation is how you will show up to the next one.  Goodbyes really matter and, when they are possible, good goodbyes often leave a door open for something new later down the track.

Choose Your Battles

This one is only from my fabulous Granny.  “Some things just aren’t the hill to die on, Girl,” she would say.  That’s Kansas-speak for saying both 1) don’t sweat the small stuff, and 2) save your strength for the really hard times when you will have to fight for what deeply matters.  To wrap it all up together – knowing your values comes in pretty handy in deciding which hills are better left uncharted, and which hills are worth spending yourself to the last to conquer.

Share What You Learn

You will accumulate your own pearls of wisdom, and jewels in terms of people, as you go along.  Share them as you go.  Through general conversation, I often shared bits and pieces of the above with a friend and mentor of mine here in Tasmania.  At a moment (moments, more like) when I needed it most, those thoughts were echoed back to me to lead me to the higher, safer road.  I am truly grateful for the gifts of wisdom and friendship, past and present.

Go Well

And now I have introduced to you, through their wisdom, some of the most precious people I have known on my journey.  Take our thoughts and belief with you, and go well.  You can do it!